What am I missing?

Right now we are descending into entropy, that’s how the world looks to me.
I wake up too late and feel sullen. My brain is pleading with me to see, to explore, so I just lay in bed and think about all of those things I could be doing and decide that I’m not ready for retirement. There is a problem and I want to be a part of the solution.
But sympathy catches up with me. I think of all those who are suffering and I’m split. I want to change things, but I can’t risk putting those first-person narrators in danger. It could just be a cop out. I feel sullen. Then I settle on the fact that it’s a tumultuous time and I cannot let emotions overwhelm me. I think about fictional characters in books and I think that these are the times during which these nuggets are mined, and I dream to join their ranks. I guess it’s an egotistical drive. I have to get used to just living life, not thinking about mistakes or what could be. I think that this will build my confidence.
So I go to make breakfast.

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